Inconvenient?

Sometimes I wonder about this quirky life.  No one said it was fair right. We learned that early. Even though I was the one trying to pour equal juice amounts for all my friends so no one would feel hurt….somebody always was…with just a little less kool aid…sometimes it was me..

But no, I’m  thinking about convenience. Ever laid out a grand plan for life?  Had one put on you? College by 18, First job.. 22, Lawschool/medschool?..28. Married by __ to a ‘perfect’ partner, Kid 1 by.. Kid 2…nail appt  at 5, gym at 7. Appearances, rules, normal(??).The right thing.

I thought I wanted that too. Which confuses me, I admit.  I am trying to live that proper life now.. like maybeIgotitwrong. But as I piss of my mom, and confuse best friends, I start to think…

The best things in my life have been inconvenient …Inconvenient love, inconveniently lost, inconveniently tired…inconveniently hired…  uncontrolled by me. To pursue something, despite that, does that make it our purpose?

I do everything I promise. I’ve hurt, I’ve lost, been up,  been down. And I know…

I need that quirky, undeniable, ridiculous,unpredictable, delicious life.  Real, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.  I don’t think that is all wrapped a worldly human plan. But in an inconvenient one. That is all.

~ dedicated 2 those lost on this day, September 11