~CC dedicates this post to her good friend Savi, the sillier to my silly~
So CC has been intimately involved in Savi’s drama over the past few weeks. It kind of matches my own and probably so many others….
Do you marry for true love, for convenience, for yourself, for others?
Arranged marriages come in all forms. In India, it’s your parents actively picking for mates for you. In America, it’s your family telling you to settle down with your ex/nice doctor/engineer/whats-his-name because he has a good job, nice house, great family, and all marriages “take hard work, require sacrifice, and you don’t want to get old alone”. Oh, and they want tons of grandddddbabies.
It’s hard to argue? They know you. Know what’s best. And the other party is a good person generally. You wouldn’t be with them otherwise.. and who wants to be alone?.. till the day you find you prefer picking belly button lint, find yourself on a leash you don’t want to be on, live life through the kids, and who knows what else.
CC doesn’t care about the method, I care about the motive. As long as there is authentic happiness, that’s fine. The rest can be murky and sometimes manipulative. And frankly, CC wants no one in her baby business, except hubby.
I’ve had friends who have gone in either direction. And I understand each. I don’t judge, just focus on my own limits.
In Savi’s case, she was involved in a serious love affair in the US (Luvvah) while her parents were pushing an ultimatum on a nice enough groom (NoBueno) in India. They did not know about Luvvah and she could not tell them,or he would be confronted with an ultimatum within 5 minutes. NoBueno was no bueno. They had all the right checks on the list together, he did everything right, but passion that would never last.
That type of arranged courtship process to us Americans is odd, but should it really be? The dates, the dance around delicate questions, and then a decision based on practical, and maybe physical qualities . Alliances and appearances ~ but not that indescribable compatibility ~ chemistry, lust, trust, love, goals and raw honesty~ The one that makes relationships “not hard, not about sacrifice, and may one day naturally lead to babies because it is right”
That’s the love I opt for. Because more than anything else, I want to love my husband more than my children and I want them to witness that. I don’t want to wake up one day and lose emotional connection. Or abuse. Or be married ‘friends’. Or worse – arguing or drama (not the good kind anyway!!). I don’t want any type of perfection. Just that man I love and all his dirty. Love + Freedom.
Plus I could not emotionally weather a divorce….. I couldn’t.
In the end, Savi declined the marriage with NoBueno. In the end, she did what CC did and listened to her heart. And for that, I am so happy. Even if she doesn’t end up with Luvvah, at least she knows the love that is possible. Cheers to the future.