Can’t help but wonder

Make no mistake, this song is not CC singing. I’ve made mistake made mistakes and lived through so much that I’m “a ghost when I walk in, Holy spirit when I  walk out”..

Is this what we’re doing here?  Because I’d really like to understand. Run me til I don’t want, luv, or respect you?

No, this song is one I wish was sung to me. With love poured out instead of hate; visceral instead of venomous. Like you.

🎧♥ CC

˙·٠•●♥A moment of silence for the soul♥●•٠


Click here for an update on Nepal …Article:: NPR Image:: BBC



Click here to see the magic of Doctors without Borders… CC would be honored to be a part of this one day 💞



Salute to my A~Kat


This is dedicated to my cuz Aisha. We have an untainted bond as cousins and friends…should u have ever seen the masterpiece “The Sweetest Thing” she is the Christina to my Cameron…. checking flubber in the dressing room mirror.

If I am inspiration, she is action.

And now she’s married. On Easter, my fave holiday even & a special day in my own personal life.

Much love to my lil fighter who married her lover this weekend

~LoverForAFighter aka CC

➎ Reasons: Honesty Is Lonely

CC has been thinking about this honesty thing alot lately. It’s such a loaded word. Such a tricky thing. Everyone says they want it. Most people think they are.

But does it leave you in a lonely place when you think about the costs? Whether it’s in a relationship, in your job, with yourself. You realize you have to give up something valuable to achieve it. And always be ready to walk alone no matter how much it kills you.

So here are CC’s top 5 reasons why honesty is lonely…

5… Honesty leads to judgement. And honestly, who wants that? I like to eat cake for breakfast, would totally go to a Taylor Swift concert, and desire useless things sometimes. So what.

4… Honesty can lead to disappointment of others, when you feel guilt for not living up to their expectations.

3… Honesty is rarely reciprocal…

2… Retaliation and isolation are strong possibilities.

1… Keeping up appearances is simpler.

But then… one day… if you’re lucky…you stop and know that:

Even though the loneliness was an expensive price to pay, you looked up and saw the one or two that stayed with you. Held you. Walked with you. Regardless of whether u believed it or not. Then you realize that’s all you ever needed anyway.

웃 유 CC

Whose choice is it anyway?

~CC dedicates this post to her good friend Savi, the sillier to my silly~

Traditional Indian Wedding Ceremony

So CC has been intimately involved in Savi’s drama over the past few weeks. It kind of matches my own and probably so many others….

Do you marry for true love, for convenience, for yourself, for others?

Arranged marriages come in all forms. In India, it’s your parents actively picking  for mates for you. In America, it’s your family telling you to settle down with your ex/nice doctor/engineer/whats-his-name because he has a good job, nice house, great family, and all marriages “take hard work, require sacrifice, and you don’t want to get old alone”. Oh, and they want tons of grandddddbabies.

It’s hard to argue? They know you. Know what’s best.  And the other party is a good person generally. You wouldn’t be with them otherwise.. and who wants to be alone?.. till the day you find you prefer picking belly button lint, find yourself on a leash you don’t want to be on, live life through the kids, and who knows what else.

CC doesn’t care about the method, I care about the motive. As long as there is authentic happiness, that’s fine. The rest can be murky and sometimes manipulative. And frankly, CC wants no one in her baby business, except hubby.

I’ve had friends who have gone in either direction. And I understand each.  I don’t judge, just focus on my own limits.

In Savi’s case, she was involved in a serious love affair in the US (Luvvah) while her parents were pushing an ultimatum on a nice enough groom (NoBueno)  in India. They did not know about Luvvah and she could not tell them,or he would be confronted with an ultimatum within 5 minutes. NoBueno was no bueno. They had all the right checks on the list together, he did everything right, but passion that would never last.

That type of arranged courtship process to us Americans is odd,  but should it really be?  The dates, the dance around delicate questions, and then a decision based on practical, and maybe physical qualities . Alliances and appearances ~ but not that indescribable compatibility ~ chemistry, lust, trust, love, goals and raw honesty~ The one that makes relationships “not hard, not about sacrifice, and  may one day naturally lead to babies because it is right”

That’s the love I opt for. Because more than anything else, I want to love my husband more than my children and I want them to witness that. I don’t want to wake up one day and lose emotional connection. Or abuse. Or be married ‘friends’.  Or worse – arguing or drama (not the good kind anyway!!). I don’t want any type of perfection.  Just that man I love and all his dirty.  Love + Freedom.

Plus I could not emotionally weather a divorce….. I couldn’t.

In the end, Savi declined the marriage with NoBueno. In the end, she did what CC did and listened to her heart. And for that, I am so happy. Even if she doesn’t end up with Luvvah, at least she knows the love that is possible. Cheers to the future.